So my lovelies, have you missed me??? I have missed you, and I’ve got a vagina full of outrage right now.
Ready for it?

Here it comes. 

The GOP, lead by current Flavor-of- the-Month Rick Santorum, wants to go all Private Pyle on the uterus-bearing citizens of America.

They are sitting around the legislatures of this country, weapons in hand, locked and loaded and repeating their mantra with military-like precision and dedication:

Warner Brothers Pictures

This is my righteous conservative penis. There are many others like it, but this one is mine. My penis is my best friend. It is my life. I must use it to master the the reproductive health and freedom of America’s maidens as I must master my life. Without me, your vaginae and uteri are useless. Without my penis, I am useless. I must fire the ejaculate from my penis true. I must shoot straighter than my liberal enemies, who are trying to breed me away with homosexuality and seek to abort the  rape-gifts  that God has seen fit to bestow upon the Godless Liberal Harlots.  I must shoot conservative jizz in your uterus before my enemy infects you with the Liberal AIDS of free will and thought . I will. Before God I swear this creed: my penis and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of your uterus, we are the saviors of  all life ( except Muslims, fuck all those motherfuckers). So be it, until there are no more abortion-seeking  feminazis, but only quivers full of conservative seed.

Amen.

~The GOP, Full Metal Penis

The past few weeks have seen various conservative leaders  leading a charge to plant their misogynistic flags at the top of Mount Uterus, and I for one  am ready to unleash a Vesuvian eruption that will turn these sexist jackhole motherfuckers to ash. We have seen legislators in Virginia and Alabama push for legislation requiring the more invasive transvaginal method of ultra sound before obtaining an abortion, and we have seen conservative Stockholm Syndrome sufferers like Dana Loesch  claim that A) if you bitches didn’t mind having a penis in you when you got pregnant, WTF are you bitching about now – penis, probe….SAME DIFFERENCE! , and B) hey, nowhere in the bill does it actually say “TRANSVAGINAL”, so liar liar pants on fire, you baby-killing libs are TOTALLY making shit up! 

Speaking as a woman who had a transvaginal utrasound during her last pregnancy in lieu of amniocentesis due to being a mother “of a certain age”, I can tell you (blue emphasis mine), from Virginia Senate Bill 484,

Except in the case of a medical emergency, at least 2 hours before the performance of an abortion a qualified medical professional trained in sonography and working under the direct supervision of a physician licensed in the Commonwealth shall perform fetal ultrasound imaging and auscultation of fetal heart tone services on the patient undergoing the abortion for the purpose of determining gestational age. The ultrasound image shall be made pursuant to standard medical practice in the community, contain the dimensions of the fetus, and accurately portray the presence of external members and internal organs of the fetus, if present or viewable. Determination of gestational age shall be based upon measurement of the fetus in a manner consistent with standard medical practice in the community in determining gestational age. When only the gestational sac is visible during ultrasound imaging, gestational age may be based upon measurement of the gestational sac. A print of the ultrasound image shall be made to document the measurements that have been taken to determine the gestational age of the fetus.”

fucking means transvaginal utrasound.

3D ultrasounds provide a very detailed look at a developing fetus, but they are not widely used in the medical setting because, according to WHO studies, “It is not clear at this time whether ultrasound fetal monitoring is beneficial to the mother or fetus in terms of pregnancy outcome…If there is no generally acknowledged benefit to the monitoring, there is no reason to expose patients to increased cost and risk. The question of benefit has not yet been resolved…and the potential for delayed effects has been virtually ignored.” , and the American Medical Association recommends against unnecessary exposure to 3D ultrasound. Regular, outside-of-the-womb 2D ultra sounds are not going to give the specific limb/organ detail the bill is looking for, and Dana Loesch, be an educated woman (or so she CLAIMS) surely knows this. There is a WORLD of difference between the 2D ultrasound photos I have of my first three children, and the 3D ultrasounds I had done of my last two (at a vanity keepsake shop session called  Pre-Natal Peek, because, as I pointed out, 3D ultrasounds are NOT a standard offering at OBGYN  offices), and there was a world of difference in what I saw with the transvaginal ultrasound session in my doctor’s office.

But anything for the party, right Dana?

Saying that being forced by the state to be vaginally probed is just tit for tat for promiscuous, baby-killing whores is perfectly justified, and if it throws a few rape/incest victims under the Jesus Loves Fetuses bus, well that’s some collateral damage that must be done. Take two aprins between the knees and call Foster Freiss in the morning, hon. Stop being such indiscriminate whores and nobody will have to shove anything up your snatch, ammirite?????

Loesh is also tripped up by the fact that  an amendment was introduced by Democrat David Englin that would have allowed doctors to to determine whether images can be obtained without the use of penetrating equipment used in the ultrasound, and mandating that women would have to give written consent for the transvaginal probe to be performed  - an amendment that was soundly defeated by a 64-34 vote .  To keep their seats at the Serious Big Boys of the GOP table, Dana Loesch and so many other Republican women are willing to lie about the content of the bill and let a bunch of testosterone-filled good-ole boys turn their health and their choices into a “that’s what SHE said” punchline, right on the legislative floor:

Republican David Albo had the nerve to suggest that Englin owed him an apology after his not-so-enamored  wife turned down his sexual advances after seeing her husband on TV in connection with the transvaginal bill.

Via The Blaze  (yes, even the freaking BLAZE thought Albo was off his nut!)

I thought, ‘Wow, the boy’s to bed, the wife’s here…” Albo said with a wink and a thumbs-up. “We have some red wine…”

That’s when, speaking to his colleagues, he turned on some distinct mood music to play in the background while continuing his story.

The next step in his seduction plan, he told them, was to find the Washington Redskins on TV — “I know you find that weird, but my wife loves the Redskins more than she loves me,” Albo said.

But what should happen while he was flipping channels but to stumble upon a discussion on MSNBC’s “The Rachel Maddow Show” about the ultrasound bill, with his own name mentioned prominently. According to the Washington Post, Albo was one of the Republicans who attempted to forge a compromise by making the procedure optional.

After his name, there was “the gentleman from Alexandria’s face” — Albo’s Democratic colleague Del. David Englin discussing his opposition to the bill — “as big as my wall, going trans-v this, and trans-v that!…And this goes on and on!”

“The show’s over, and [my wife] looks at me and says, ‘I have to go to bed,’” Albo said to laughter.

He directed his next comments directly to Englin.

“So if the gentleman’s plan was to make sure there was one less Republican in this world, he did,” Albo said. “I expect an apology from you later in person on the House floor.”

You can watch the disgusting spectacle HERE.

Sadly, according to the Washington Post,  Englin took the floor next and like a good milquetoast Democrat,did apologize for interfering in Albo’s night, though he suggested Albo make better use of the remote control next time.

Why, why, WHY OH WHY are we so afraid to take the gloves off and call these misogynistic, classist, racist, religist DICKWEEDS on their supreme asshattery???

When the fuck are we going to stand up to these people and say enough is efuckingnough???????

Take for example, this comment from a misinformed assnut on The Blaze:

BURNTHILLS

Posted on February 25, 2012 at 3:11pm

one GOOD thing about all of us decent Americans being forced to pay our hard-earned tax money for obama’s followers to have their free abortions. there will be no more obamacommunists being born. think about it, no more vile little ugly flatfaced democrats being born in America to drone for obama and the communist machine.

BurntHillsLog in to Reply

Burnthills has obviously never heard of the Hyde Amendment or the Stupak-Pitts Amendment or the Mexico City policies  that prevents  his ” hard-earned tax money” from being used for the free abortions of any obamacommunists save those who have been raped, victims of incest or whose pregnancies pose a  danger to the life of the mother. And since, according to people of Burnthills’ ilk, those instances only make up a tiny fraction of the massive liberal Abort-a-palooza that is going on daily, his  hard-earned tax money isn’t paying for jackdickdiddlysquat.

I have had it with people using misinformation as a cover for attacking women’s health and freedom of choice.

I have had it with people  with testicles using “morality” as a cover for attacking women’s health and freedom of choice.

I have had it with people using religion as a cover for attacking women’s health and freedom of choice.

If you are a church (looking dead at you, Catholic church) that does not want the government mandating that the insurance companies you contract with arrange to directly offer birth control to your employees that wish to use it  so you don’t have to, fine. All you need to do in return is stop taking federal grants and accepting federal payments like Medicaid and Medicare and keep your funding completely private. Separate that state from your church, and you’re golden in my book. But when you pay no taxes but you still get to suckle at the government teat, guess what????? You have subjected yourself to some government rule. It is so telling that at the hearing on the Catholic birth control and insurance issue, not a single woman was invited to testify Not only were they not interested in hearing from women (Catholic or otherwise) in favor of the proposed plans, they did not care to hear from any women supporting the church’s position, either…….just the dudes in the robes who have taken a vow to never marry or revel in the pleasures of the flesh (and occasionally cover the tracks of the ones who break said vow with under-aged altar boys).

I have said it before and I will say it over and over – if you are “pro-life”, FINE. I can (semi)respect your sincere desire to outlaw abortion……………..when you do it honestly and directly. When you sneak around and try to put ridiculous restrictions on how women may go about getting a perfectly legal medical procedure and screw with how and when their insurance companies can cover it, I call bullshit. When you try to say that women who turn to Planned Parenthood for their medical check-ups are somehow not worthy of funds for cancer screenings because you dislike their abortion services more than you dislike women dying of  detectable, treatable cancers, I call bullshit. I also call bullshit when you run around decrying the sexual mores and parental deficits of specific races and income levels, all while working tirelessly to deny them the very birth control that would aid them in taking the personal responsibility for not bringing children they cannot afford and may not want into the world for you to have to support with your hard-earned tax dollars in the first place. I call bullshit on your “Compassionate Conservative,” Jesus Loves the Little Fetuses But the Real Live Children Can Fucking SUCK IT and Get a Damn Job As a Janitor if It Wants to Eat and Call A Faith Healer If It Has the Nerve to Get Sick While Uninsured line of crap that draws cheer at GOP debates from people who claim to be lovers of the bible. I call bullshit on  the cries of ‘what about the first amendment?” from people who think that the right to peaceably assemble only applies to the Tea Party, that the free exercise of religion only applies to Christians, the  freedom of speech only applies to conservatives, and that the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion is ONLY verboten if that law is Shariah.

I call bullshit on all the people I know who keep yapping endlessly about wanting the government OUT of THEIR personal lives even as they support people and policies that seek to put the government in every bedroom and every uterus across  America.

Don’t like gay marriage?
Don’t get gay married.

Don’t like contraception?
Don’t use it.

Don’t like Islam?
Don’t convert to it.

Don’t like Satan?
Don’t worship him.

Don’t like abortion?
Don’t have one.

Don’t like “lascivious TV programs”?
Use your damn V-chip.

Don’t like sex education?
Keep YOUR children ignorant and more likely to get knocked up.

Don’t like public education or college?
Homeschool, and don’t send your kids to college.

Don’t like Girl Scouts and their horrible lesbian abortion Thin Mints?
Go be a  Heritage Girl.

Don’t like Big Government?
STOP FUCKING TRYING TO SHOVE IT IN MY AND MY DAUGHTERS’  UTERI .

MY REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM AND CHOICES ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, SO KEEP YOUR DAMN NOSY ELEPHANT TRUNKS THE HELL AWAY FROM THE NEGRESS’ HELLA-GOOD LOOKING BABY-GARDENING EMPORIUM AND SUPER-SEXY FUN-TIME ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX, INC.
My choices are MINE, and my value is more than THIS:

Jan van Rymsdyk’s most famous plate from William Hunter’s “Anatomy of the Human Gravid Uterus”.

Seriously ………screw you people.

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8 responses

  1. Deborah says:

    I, for one, have missed you! That rant gestated for over a week, didn’t it? I wish I hadn’t seen this coming. How’s about we stop calling pregnancies over age 35 “geriatric,” hmmm?

    • dcmartin says:

      I have been stewing on this issue for going on two weeks, and I only said about a third of what’s been on my mind.
      I’m a little aggravated.
      And that whole “geriatric” pregnancy thing is irksome as fuck. Yes, the chances of Downs and birth defects does go up with age, but it is SO rigged to bill insurance companies for unnecessary tests and procedures it is not even funny. With baby # 4 they had me going for stress tests twice a week for the last month even though I was healthy as a horse and so was the baby…..total waste of time and money. Pregnancy # 5, different doctor – towards the end I asked if I was going to have to schlep back and forth to the hospital for endless stress tests, and she looked at me like I was nuts. She said “There is nothing in your history that remotely suggests there is a need for that – you’re in better shape than pregnant women half your age, there is nothing wrong with your baby, all your bloodwork is fine…..aside from your regular weekly visit there is no need for extra monitoring. Your last doctor was milking your insurance, plain and simple.”
      Honesty is so refreshing.

  2. STOP FUCKING TRYING TO SHOVE IT IN MY AND MY DAUGHTERS’ UTERI .

    MY REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM AND CHOICES ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, SO KEEP YOUR DAMN NOSY ELEPHANT TRUNKS THE HELL AWAY FROM THE NEGRESS’ HELLA-GOOD LOOKING BABY-GARDENING EMPORIUM AND SUPER-SEXY FUN-TIME ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX, INC.
    My choices are MINE, and my value is more than THIS:

    This, my dear, is made of awesome.

  3. Becky says:

    Yes on THIS:

    Don’t like Big Government?
    STOP FUCKING TRYING TO SHOVE IT IN MY AND MY DAUGHTERS’ UTERI .

    How in the world can people say they want government OUT of their personal lives, and then go along with this?!

    • dcmartin says:

      It’s fascinating how people bitch about too much government control while screaming for the ultimate big government – constitutional amendments defining marriage, barring people from the military, barring a certain religion, forcing another religion into public schools and institutions……..WTF?????
      “I don’t want the government telling me how and when I can purchase an inanimate object made for killing people, but I do want the government telling women when they have to be vaginally probed and that they have to have a rapists’ baby or surrender their life when their pregnancies turn into a fatal condition.”

      Hypocritical fuckwits.

  4. thebewilderness says:

    Missed you dreadful. Glad you are feeling better.